Thursday, May 21, 2015


I'm glad you finally found someone that can accept the love you have to give.
You know I couldn't.
I pushed you away because I hate myself
I actually think I'm terrible sometimes
I grew up thinking I'm terrible
People told me I am terrible
My parents told me I am terrible
School told me I am terrible
Society told me I am terrible
Until this message was saved into me

I became terrible
I started seeing myself as terrible

There was a time that I loved myself a bit more.
That's when I met you
I thought it could be different
I could be loved
and I let you love me for a while

But that all became too much
Ghosts from the past came back to haunt me
and tell me that I'm terrible
Voices in my head saying that I don't deserve you
Or your love
And I pushed you away

We only receive the love we think we deserve,
and I thought I deserve zero

I knew you would go away to love someone else,
A voice inside me was hoping for that
so that I don't have love anymore
so that I'm back to what I know
being terrible
That's well known; it's safe

Why do I miss you?
Because you were the only person that showed me
that I can be loved
for the first time in my life.

I know there might come others,
who knows?
but you were the first,
and I will never forget that.

A part of me wants to wait forever,
Until you're back,

The first person that ever
dared to love.
the little scared snail in me.

And another part of me,
wants to save your memory
in a treasure box,
and move on.