edge of nineteen.

im on my edge. im about to turn 20 (in some months)
it feels so weird. it feels so unsafe. it feels so not me.
im not any typical teenager. it's not that i have been living as an immature kid rolling around and being free. it's not that i have been being a true 18yo having fun and living my life. It's that I've been dreaming of a life so different;so pure. And I didnt accomplish a thing..or maybe that's all in my head.

What makes us full? Fullfilling a role? a standard? a stereotype? I don't want that, even though it feels so damn safe. It wouldnt be true;it wouldnt be me. My personality is there..and it can shine on it's own.

"maybe one day..

i'll wish of you and me. together. all i can think of this you and me doing the things i wanna do. all i imagine is heaven on earth, i know it's you. anyone who ever kissed in the rain knows the whole meaning."
Roxette

Chinese;IKEA & a bit of spice

My specialty. Chinese chicken with vegetables and sweet&sour sauce. <3 Even though I'm a vegetarian, I rarely make an exception and taste this great meal. Most of my friends love it too. By the way, I really love to cook; it's a great way to flea from every-day problems while staying creative. Cooking is all about imagination. You mix this and that, add a few herbs and let spices and tastes melt and merge. Lovely!

Hmm..I want to save money so when I move out [hopefully soon] I will be able to buy new furniture from IKEA; I love this place! Especially the couch-beds and the kitchen tables,hehe^^ I'd love to live in a small, urbanish appartment downtown. I prefer it to the mountainy suburbs where I live right now. I'm more of a city boy.

I've realised that Ashlee Simpson is probably totally talentless. =O I have to admit that I love "Autobiography",the album, but when it comes to music talent and performance, she always seems to screw things up. Plus, she had this terrible nose job that made her look like your average hollywood starlet.

I've been reading a book these days, "The boy in the striped pyjamas". It's really good, and kinda touching. It describes a part of the World War 2 through the eyes of a child; a 9 year old boy, named Bruno. For more info tap here

I'm about to go to starbucks for a coffee. Been kind of tired these days, due to excessive staying up and a total lack of sleep and schedule. We have student strikes, so we haven't had classes since november. It's horrible. I need to get back in schedule and feel how it is to LIVE again, lol. But, on the other hand, I guess strikes are being done for a reason..

I'm off, either to bed or to starbucks. I will post again soon <3
Rusty.

view from my room

change your mind;

not always easy; changing your mind, your whole perception of things, the way you react under different circumstances. You seek love; you get love; you get sick of love and you finally realise that many people will love you but really few will make you part of their soul. That's what I've been looking for years; everywhere. And when I found something, someone that reached the top of my heart, I fell down on my knees when I realised that distance is something you simply can't ignore in this world of ours. I can surely say that I prefer geographical distance to emotional distance. There have been many times that I've felt completely alone while being among friends; that's why I've realised that mental contact is so much harder to achieve than physical contact.

Changing subject..I can't explain why I'm so attracted by urban landscapes and the urban environment in general. I can stand there, staring at highway roads, buildings, bus stops, graffiti artworks, baggy pants and buses. Urban art though is what I'm mostly fascinated by. I can spend hours searching for artworks in Deviantart [www.deviantart.com]. I love this site. <3

Today, we are supposed to celebrate. It's a greek custom. Oh, all I can say is that I'm disgusted by social stupidities. When's something's rotten, you can't make it shine.
I'm gonna finish this with one of my favourite lyrics:
"Tell me why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me."

Peace

this is too deep...

just too deep.
Im bored/sick/tired of staying up late, thinking about myself and my parents. I hate eating a lot. I hate being bored and not doing my homework. I hate not going to the gym.
Life is not that bad. Think of the good things is something one would say. I have to focus on the positive things in my life. Erase the past..or better deal with it.I've been through a lot, i've survived all things. I was down, now Im going up.
Damn i hate all this drama.....ive always been a positive guy. I hate depression, its final. =P
Lately, ive been skipping classes. All i want to do is sleep in the morning. That's because i stay up late thinking and thinking. IM DONE THINKING. Its useless.
Im bored of this. I will write more later.
xxx<3